The fear of abandonment

Jesus is ready to break you free, are you ready?
In 2023 the Lord walked me through an amazing journey to reveal a deep deep wound that I had received as a three year old boy which I didn’t realize that I had. He took 50 years to reveal and heal the wound of abandonment which I felt from my dad Craig’s death in 1973, when I was only three years old. It all started when Jennifer and I were speaking with a marriage counselor and the Lord showed our counselor a seed of abandonment as I was sharing about the argument we had gotten into a few days earlier. The counselor asked me if I had experienced abandonment in my life. My first reaction was “I didn’t think so”, but as I started to ponder on that question some emotions came to my heart. I started to feel a sadness in myself as I thought about her question and my dad Craig’s death came to mind.

Months later as I was taking my daily walk I felt this sense of abandonment which I project onto God. In that moment as my heart was being touch by the Holy Spirit the scripture came to mind that “He would never leave me or forsake me”. As I cried out to God, He comforted me in that moment, and then provided me with a rainbow that appeared in the pond fountain I was walking by. I had been going through a wall of fear as I was feeling Gods call to evangelism in my life.

On December 24th I was watching a movie, “The Last Descent” with my father-in-law dad Bob. This was the second time I had watched this movie and it touch my heart again as I saw a young father who was separated from his wife and children. The Spirit was revealing how my dad Craig must have felt when he was on his death bed and probably thinking that he didn’t want to leave his family. At one point I reached over and held dad Bobs hand and said I believed that’s how my dad Craig must have felt. After the movie was over I went into my bedroom closet and felt the need to pray. As I started to pray, this weight of immense sadness came over me and I started to actually feel the three year old little boy broken heart come out. I began to cry out to my daddy, “Why did you leave me daddy?” I was feeling this deep sadness which had been buried in my three year old self I had never even known. It was hidden in my soul until our loving Father knew I was ready to walk through that moment. As I cried out to my daddy, Abba Father, I was able to release this wounding and experience the hurt that I felt after my dad passed into Heaven. God painted me a picture of how this little boy was unable to express this absence of his daddy where no one even know he was experiencing and that only the Spirit of God was able to reveal.

I’m so grateful to the Lord for his amazing grace for me and being there for me throughout my life. I hope this year you will allow Your Heavenly Father to take you into his arms and start to heal your broken heart. You have been hurt and you have experienced pain which the Lord wants to walk with you through to heal. You are in the most loving hands which you could ever imagine. God wants to heal the wounds that you have experienced as a result of being in this fallen broken world we live in. He is ready to show you the amazing love He has for you, you are his precious child.

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